Self portrait, 2017 or 18

Again, another older painting- but I am feeling very unhappy because I was mean to my mother on the phone the other day, and I feel very guilty and terrible- even though I keep having to tell myself that she doesn’t care about me.. But I can’t help to still love her and wish that I could actually have a mom. I’m still very much a child in my mind- a child who’s too smart, causing depression.

2019, self portrait

This is old, but I’m still real sad. Just two years ago I see myself now as not thinking normally.. I am just so thankful to be with the man that I’m with.. he deserves so much better than me. But we are still together, and I remember when I made this I was just being a fucking piece of shit, but at the time I felt like a victim.. I hate all of my art, because I have ptsd- and it’s like- they all just trigger me. It’s the only reason I’m gonna start selling them again. I’ve changed so much. It hurts, but it’s better to know.

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